I feel like a revolving door of food production.The words, “What’s for lunch? “What’s for Dinner?”, ringing in my ears; a constant whine. I am over it.

Even Jamie Oliver is trying to piss me off – and he never pisses me off – I love him dearly.jamie I applauded his crusade to make us all healthier and thinner humans, and most of the time, I watch him cook on the telly, and  urge myself to pull up my culinary arms. and go for it. But I think he has been plotting with my husband with this 15 minute meal bullshit.

To be fair, he does tell you to get the oven on, and the pans ready to GO GO GO before the 15 minutes start tick tocking .But really Jamie ? In reality, for me anyway, this is impossible. For starters, Lily my toddler , is hanging off my ankle, I have tried to shake her off; with a trail of grapes back to the TV and the promise of an extra episode of Peppa Pig. But no alas, she wants to be in the kitchen with Mummy and to be fair who can blame her ? The entertainment I provide, whilst trying not to swear and pot banging, is no match for Peppa Pig.

So, here I am with my Jamie Book ready, pots and pans out, oh, and I have just turned the oven on. Right, Stop watch – where is the stop watch? Lily has it in her mouth. She is quiet, distracted and sitting a good three metres away from my cooking zone. O.K lets woman kitchenforget the stop watch…..

Right, lets go – Courgette Frittata here we come!!!

Chop Courgettes he tells me. I can do that. Use a food processor he tells me –30 seconds he gives me.

I don’t have a food processor. I have a knife and a chopping board. I cannot find the chopping board, I find the chopping board, in the dishwasher, and it needs cleaning……

10 minutes later the Courgettes are chopped.

I have five minutes left, to do at least 50 other steps, including, crushing the herbs, that are still in the pot, at the bottom of the garden. Oh, and he wants me to use truffle oil as messy kitchenwell….tells me it will add depth. I do not have any truffle oil. It will take me at least a 30 minute round trip to the shops and back, and according to my watch, I have two minutes left to serve up.

It’s not going to happen – is it?

Let’s go to Macca’s instead.

Advertisements