When redundancy smacked me in the chops three months into maternity leave, I did wonder what was going on – universally speaking. For months, leading up to that moment, I had argued in my head and prattled on to anyone with ears; what I really wanted was to spend the first two years of our precious daughters new life at home. But the reality was I had faithfully promised my boss – to be back at my desk, full-time, after 6 months. So that was that.
So when the ‘see you never again- your service is obliterated’ call came; shocked, I hung up the phone. ‘I love my job’, I sobbed out loud, meanwhile in my head I was attending a funeral for “corporate me” . I plonked myself down on the sofa and stared into the crib as Lily slept – now what?
Then I started laughing. Fist punch. An odd reaction considering my income had just bomb blasted out and the old ego had taken a drive- by battering too. But as I unclenched my fist my fingers loosened and my index went off by itself, upwards to be precise- into a John Travolta air point. Under my tootsies my gorgeous, Italian cream floor tiles transformed themselves into flashing neon squares as the kitchen counter down lights mirror balled themselves. Suddenly here I was; John, me and the BEE GEES – STAYIN ALIVE – Oh yes we were!! Oooh.Oooh.Oooh.Oooh -Stayin ALIVE……yes I’m STAYIN ALIVE. My screech echoed the silence as my head space flicked channels from stunned mama into a feverish disco dancing queen and I randomly sock slid into the dishwasher.…and then it hit me.
For the first time in months, I felt ALIVE, I felt in control and I felt free. The choice was decided for me – and I could not have been happier. At that moment, I just knew this was my opportunity to do what I really wanted to do. Yes it was going to be difficult, but this intervention was not to be ignored……
So here I am. Almost 2 years later. I stayed at home as Divine intervention intended. I think. Yet here we are again, faced with decisions that will affect tomorrow. The road is not clear, we have obstacles to face, I am sure. Whichever route we take, it will have moments of what if ? – that is life. I just want to make the right decision this time. I don’t want the collision course this time; I want to take my road warning signs seriously, wear my seatbelt at all times and even use my indicator at the roundabouts…..well maybe not that far.
But my question to you today- is it choice? Do we get to pick the route or is it just a game with the destination pre- determined? If so, does it really matter if we take the freeway or the back roads, with its twists and turns and the occasional floodways to cross? Will who we meet at the traffic lights of life differ depending on the time, the day or the year of our journey- but will we meet them regardless at some point? Will we pass the road test at the end?