Happy first birthday to my blog. As with a first love, I still remember the name of my first ‘like’.My confidence soared and it injected fuel for my desire to write. As the months rolled she is me on a good day and a bad day. My early tumbles of first time motherhood. Emigrating to Australia .My writing journey. Figuring out through my words who I am as a mother , wife, sister , daughter and friend. Sometimes I want to laugh at her and sometimes I want to cry for her . Sometimes I just want to hide from her and other times I scream to be heard by her.I blog for me and for you and it feels good.
My audience has changed as I have. I moved on from some, as others have of me. Relationships are born and relationships tear. My journey is unique to me but my doubt and fear…..it runs deep, coupled with procrastination and a whole heap of Mummy and becoming the adult stuff; guilt, confusion and an abundance of what the hell am I supposed to do now ? You feel it too, I know.
In a recent I spoke of my moment of realising what I really wanted to do with my life. I allowed myself to be that person, if only for a moment. I wrote the blog post to reflect it and then I closed the door and left it where it was. In my dreams.
A few days later something happened. Maybe it was my collision roadblock. My no going back moment. Maybe the signs had given up trying to capture my attention and my roller coaster ride cranked against the end buffer and jerked me into submission. But whatever it was, something snapped inside. You see my internal fear broke. In its place, an overwhelming all consuming strength. Today, for the first time in my life -I believe in me.
If I could bottle this feeling, this being, I think I will be wealthy woman. But I am rich in essence without the need for the material. I think I discovered my core. My true self. I am not afraid anymore.
Since this moment, everything is changing around me. Doors have opened and I have walked through. My perspective is different. My outlook is different. I see my world through fresh , clear eyes. I am not clouded by my fear and lack.
So what on earth do you think happened to me ? I am still trying to figure that bit out to be honest….but I can tell you all my obstacles were my own. I created them. I put them up and only I pulled them down.My new landscape is breath taking, as I reach out as far as I can see and I just feel like I can run forever. I don’t just want it, I am not just thinking it. I absolutely know it.